Anxiety: A Day in the Life of…

Note: This is a re-post. I accidentally deleted the original post when I was trying to take it offline for editing. So if you’ve read this before, nothing new has been added!

 

Anxiety! A word that seems to be popping up more and more often but what is it? Well it’s a pain in the ass to say the least (not literally…well…sometimes). This isn’t going to be a scientific explanation of anxiety or a representation of the sorts of anxiety that people can experience. This isn’t even going to be a guide on how to work out if you have anxiety issues.

Quite simply, I’m going to walk you thought my anxiety, the good times, the bad times and the many ways I’ve tried to deal with it (both successfully and less so). So if you have anxiety this post could be useful in terms of presenting some new coping strategies and general life adjustments. If you don’t have anxiety and perhaps don’t fully understand what it is, hopefully this will help.

To save you some time, I’ve added titles to separate this longer than expected post. If you have zero interest in my ramblings about my backstory and history with anxiety then feel free to skip down to the title named ‘So what is anxiety?’ Here is where I share what I experience in terms of anxiety and then go on to share the techniques I’ve used to help decrease its effect on my life (the tips are pretty much at the very bottom so feel free to scroll down.

 

Origin Story Time

I’ve always been a shy person. My earliest school reports consisted of “knows the answers but doesn’t share them” or “needs to speak up more” to “doesn’t engage in group activities”. While most people grow out of this, my generally introverted nature and shyness clung to me like glue. I don’t subscribe to this idea that you’re either an introvert or an extrovert.

I think anyone can display characteristics of both at different times. That being said, I was definitely at the polar end of the scale at school. Outside school, I would have been seen as an extrovert. I never experienced anxiety though. Nerves? Yes. Shyness? Yes. Preferring to stay somewhere to read or play my Gameboy rather than go socialise? Yes. All pretty natural experiences that I’m sure many of us went though.

Even in high school (aged 12-18) I didn’t get any anxiety. I was bulled a hell of a lot and didn’t want to go to school but I never felt a single moment that I could identify now as me being anxious. I could sit exams completely relaxed (perhaps too relaxed), I could speak in front of classmates about as well as the general school populous.

I do think that to some extent the bullying I faced is what’s left me a little “off” mentally. I grew up in a small town where if you hadn’t left by the age of 18, chances are you never would. It was a lovely place (if you were raising a family or on your death bed) but everyone knew everyone. Yet somehow I managed to get randomly attacked on multiple occasions. Always by people who were drunk.

I started to fear walking down the high street. I always compared my town to the film I Am Legend. It was fine during the day but as soon as the sun began to set…these creatures would come out from the dark to wreak havoc. I started to worry whenever I going somewhere alone at night, even by bus. Pathetic, right?

I started to fear people in general. Going to the shop used to make me sweat and if the person at the checkout spoke to me my heartrate would go through the roof. My conversation was usually limited to one word answers. I would wait as long as I possibly could before going to get my haircut or to the dentists.  I got ill a lot and couldn’t go to the doctor. There were times I was convinced I had cancer and somehow, social interaction was worse than death.

I consider myself to be a rational-minded individual. I usually think with my mind rather than my emotions. Despite there being no logic in it, I just couldn’t go out into the world where people were. I used to walk my dog off paths into the middle of nowhere. Up hills and through forests, just wherever I thought people wouldn’t be.

The most annoying thing was that I knew it was illogical. I knew that nothing would happen, that speaking to people wasn’t a big deal. Sometimes I could even convince myself that the next time I did, I’d ooze charisma. Of course what actually would happen is that I’d freeze. It’s like every person was a T-Rex and the only way I could avoid them was to stay still. My mum used to worry about me but whenever she confronted me about it, I always went on the defensive.

Looking back, I think if I’d been honest back then about it, my life would be quite different now. That’s neither here nor there. It wasn’t until I had finished high school and actually started university that I started to notice that I was even worse than I originally thought. I moved to a city where my cousin was at university. This guy was my idol growing up and when I moved there, he still was. After doing modules on psychopathy at university, I can tell you that this dude displayed far too many psychopathy traits. If you have anxiety, here’s a piece of advice. Do NOT hang around with toxic people. I learnt this a little too late. So as a result I spent 3 years of my life (2 of them living with the guy) with toxic people in my life.

I spent 3 of my 4 years at university hearing about how I was too quiet, I came across as weird, that I was ruining people’s image. That’s right! My cousin wanted me to improve my social skills so that he didn’t look bad. I was frequently given the classic lines of “talk more, it’s easy” or “there’s nothing to be nervous about” and of course “you need to stop being shy”. What these lovely human beings didn’t know was that every social event where I was sober was like hell to me. My problem was so bad that up until the point of being drunk (and I mean way past tipsy) I couldn’t socialise. People who had only met me on nights out couldn’t believe how quiet I was.  I guess I gave off a bit if a serial killer vibe.

So it’s fair to assume that my virginity stay intact until my 2nd year of university. Not that my friends knew that. By this stage I was already known as “King Virgin” without them even knowing that I was. It’s difficult to be intimate with someone when you can’t really speak to them. My socialising was even worse with women (clichéd, I know). My 1st and 2nd year of university were around the time (the 2nd time in my life) when suicide became a very easy way out. I know what you’re thinking; it’s a ridiculous reason to want to die. My issue wasn’t that I wanted to die. I didn’t. It’s more that I couldn’t see how it was possible for me to live. How was I going to get a job? How would I travel? How could I do anything without speaking to people?

 

The Attacks

Funnily enough, my anxiety hadn’t even peaked yet. As I mentioned earlier, I had never had an issue with taking exams in school. Suddenly at university I felt the most uncomfortable I’d ever been in my life (at that point). Somehow I got through first year fine. I mean I’d missed a ton of classes but not enough to raise any red flags with the university.

Sometime in 2nd year, during an exam, I finally snapped. The first full-blown anxiety attack I’d ever had. On top of my anxiety, I have a fear of being sick. I mean it’s not really a fear but more the fear of drawing attention to myself by being sick. Although, I do completely hate throwing up and I avoid it at all costs. So you can imagine that in an exam room with about 60 people in it, how that could be an issue.

My heart was racing. At times I actually thought I was about to die. Was this a heart attack? My breathing was impossible to control but I tried my best. My hands were sweaty. Should I leave? Should I raise my hand and tell someone I need to go? No, then everyone will look at me. Plus, if I do that I’ve accepted that I’m going to be sick or pass out. Speaking of passing out, I did feel pretty faint. Where was the nearest bin? Could I get to that in time if I felt it coming up? I need to focus on something else. I’ll look at the clock. Oh God, I have a full 2 hours left and the earliest I can leave is in an hour and a half. I haven’t even written the first paragraph yet.

Maybe if I focus on the work it will go away. No, that isn’t helping either. By this point I’m screaming internally. I just want it to stop. At times I stopped breathing all together. At others I was breathing frantically. The films always say to take slow deep breaths (incorrectly) but that doesn’t seem to be helping at all. My body was literally shaking. I was going from hot to cold then hot again. I was sweating more and more. If this was death, I figured at least this would all be over. Maybe I should just get up and leave. Do I really need a degree? No, I’m sure I can find something else to do. Maybe I can rationalise with my brain. I can re-sit this exam if I fail so there is literally no pressure.

Regrettably, I suffered through far too many exams (about a year-a year and a half) before I finally forced myself to go see a GP. I needed something I could take before an exam but not long term. I was completely opposed to being on any long-term medication. Why? Well, we’ll get to that later. I met my GP (literally the grumpiest and least helpful I’ve ever met). He told me that I just needed to relax.

That’s right, my GP, a man charged with handling the health of the public told me to relax. Let’s just say that all the advice he gave me was about the same. He prescribed me propranolol which I was supposed to take for a month to see how it helped. I had told him I didn’t have any anxiety attacks outside the exams but he insisted.

Needless to say, I ignored him. The instructions clearly stated that they could be taken prior to the anxiety attack inducing situation. So that’s how I used them and it did work. I still felt the deep-rooted terror bubbling but my heart stayed calm (the purpose of the drug) and so I could actually get on with my exams. Otherwise I would usually spend an hour having an attack and then the 2nd hour would be me doing the exam itself. The only other time I used propranolol was on planes where I found I also got anxiety attacks. I’m not scared of flying but being crammed next to strangers really sets my anxiety off.

 

Improvement

When I got into my final year of university, I felt pretty amazing. I had a girlfriend, I socialised a lot more than I used to. To be completely honest, I’d been exposed to the drug scene. I would go to one club and take MDMA, party hard, smoke some weed and go to bed. Those were some of the best nights out of my life. Now, I do not preach that MDMA isn’t dangerous. It certainly can be.

That being said, I love it. I take it maybe once every 3 months at most now but back then it was once or twice a week. You can judge me but MDMA opened my eyes to a world I’d never seen before. I started exploring other drugs, reading about them, watching documentaries, asking people about their experiences. I also had a girlfriend which was new to me.

So life was going very well. I could go to the shops, get my haircut, etc without freaking out. I was still incredibly nervous around new people but I figured that’s something I’d just have to get used to. The issue was that I was about to finish university. I had no plans and knew I was going to have to move back to the black-hole of a town I thought I’d escaped.

One of the things I loved about university was all the different opinions. You could discuss any topic and chances are somebody would have a completely different point of view. My hometown wasn’t remotely like that. Bringing new ideas into their world was like walking into a school with a gun. I had some friends who weren’t like that but only a few.

 

The Great Depression

Here began my year of unemployment. I was in the previously mentioned black-hole. I was living with my anti-drug parents. I was sleeping in a bed that was about 6 feet above the floor and involved climbing a ladder to get into. My anxiety came back in ways I couldn’t imagine. Some days I didn’t leave my room; other days I would just walk my dog for the entire day to escape.

I’d purposefully get lost in the woods just to take longer getting back. I tried to go to the gym which was probably the only thing that helped me keep my head on remotely straight. My parents wanted me to pay rent (which of course is completely fair) since they thought I was claiming unemployment benefits. So I paid them money every month out of my savings because I couldn’t go on job seekers allowance.

You see I knew that while on job seekers allowance you have to take whatever job you are given. What if I was given a waiting job or a bartender or a cashier? The thought alone made me feel sick and want to cry. To be clear, I I’m not against working. I’m a hard worker but the social element is just impossible for me.

I wanted something I could do and I needed to start earning money. It’s not that I wanted to be lazy or just couldn’t be bothered. The way I always describe it to be people is that it’s like someone else is battling me for control of my mind. Sometimes, even when I have all the will to do something, I just can’t do it.

For example, I missed a lot of classes at university and I knew their policy for sending warning e-mails. I could never bring myself to check my e-mails because I worried there would be some degree of confrontation in e-mail form from the university. Thing is, I simply had to reply with an excuse in order to get out of it. Yet what I did always made matters worse because if they didn’t hear from you, they took it further.

So I created a lot of my own problems simply through an inability to act. It was the same with work. I wanted a job, I needed a job but I just couldn’t do it. After a year of burning through literally all of my savings, I found a job I could do. Costco were looking for stockers. Not luxurious but it was something I could handle.

 

The Turning Point

What I didn’t realise was that this job was going to represent a turning point in my life. Don’t get me wrong, the interviews and first few months were hard for me on a mental level. Within the first month I almost had to phone in sick because even though I was right outside the store, I’d had a minor anxiety attack on the way in and as a result felt incredibly sick. Costco has a 90-day probationary period where they can basically just fire you for no reason.

I started in summer and by Christmas I was starting to get the hang of things. My girlfriend and I had broken up and I didn’t really have any desire to get back into “the game” as such. I realised though that I still needed to escape the black-hole I was living in.

I hadn’t taken any holidays yet so I applied to take a month off to go travel around Thailand. If you happened to read my post, you’ll know that this ended up being a trip around Cambodia. Long story short: this trip was incredible. It had moments where I was at my absolute worst in terms of long feelings of anxiety but it also forced me so far out of my comfort zone that when I came back, I felt lighter, I guess.

I don’t want to say that it changed me because this isn’t a cheesy movie. It did give me positive and negative experiences though which ultimately altered my view of things at a sub-conscious level. So when I got back from the trip I found my anxiety was minimised. I noticed it more at work but it soon spread to my personal life.

At work, I found that I could work as a cashier without any problem. I soon became quite comfortable in the role actually and would frequently volunteer to go cover when they were short staffed. Something I never thought I would do. I also volunteered to go on trips. Yup, Costco sent me to London to work at a store down there. Something I’d have worried about before. I had been using an online platform to try to meet women. Before Christmas I had been talking to one in particular. We had planned to meet but both of us bailed so ultimately we scrapped it. My anxiety was just too bad and I couldn’t do it. But in the essence of feeling confident, I sent her a message about meeting up and we did.

This woman was incredible. We clicked in ways that I’ve honestly never connected with another human being before in my life. By the 3rd date I was actually worried that she might not be real. Had my mind just conjured up this wonderful human just to trick me into doing things? You see we both enjoyed the same stuff but the difference was that she would actually do it without hesitation.

So pretty soon we’d been to comedy clubs, nights out, parties, I’d met loads of her friends and hadn’t been overwhelmed with anxiety once. Sadly, she would soon be moving. As she moved away, I got sent to Paris to work at a Costco they were opening up. I was hollow when I realised that this woman who was everything I could ask for in a partner was about to leave my life, potentially forever.

In terms of my anxiety though, I was still at the top of my game. I spent a month in France working at the Costco there. I was regularly miles outside my comfort zone. I don’t speak French but I got a lot of roles supervising over the French staff and often had to be in charge of making decisions that would actually affect the store.

By the time I got back home, I was on fire. I was on good terms with all the mangers both in France and at home, I had been trained in pretty much every major part of the store, I was now training new starts who had just joined. The woman who I missed so much came back up to graduate and when we met, we decided not to throw it away. We’d never really discussed what would happen after she left before then.

 

This may all seem somewhat irrelevant to anxiety but I swear it’s leading somewhere!

 

So since my girlfriend and I wanted to stay together but now lived hundreds of miles apart, I did something I’d never imagined doing. I went down to visit her at her mum’s house. So I stayed there for a week. Luckily her mum was lovely but I’ve always had an issue with people’s parents. Not just girlfriends but actually anyone’s.

I always got anxiety because I was/am a fussy eater but I also hate being a pain so I often find myself in the middle of a dilemma. The experience as a whole was a lot of fun and I don’t think my anxiety was ever an issue. At this point we said the infamous L word but we also decided that we’d go to Amsterdam together on holiday. We both smoke weed so we figured it would be a fun place to visit.

 

The Next Level

To sum up Amsterdam: smoking weed in public areas with anxiety is not fun. We were there four days and most times when we smoked, the first hour or two I was in freak-out mode. I’d experienced this with weed to lesser extents but it was pretty full on. It wasn’t so much the weed as it was the environment.

In Amsterdam you have a mix of stoners and “lads”. The lads are getting drunk, being boisterous, and being the usual sort of rowdy cave-dwellers you would expect to find. This is usually what I fear on a night out so being super stoned and in the middle of it just threw me off.  It was an experience though and it was here that we made the decision that I’d move to Spain with her.

I don’t speak Spanish, I don’t have a wide range of skills to use and I’d never really had any desire to live in Spain. As I write this, I’ve been in Spain for nearly 5 weeks. I’m now back outside my comfort zone and my anxiety is definitely creeping back in.

The issue is that conversation for me is already incredibly difficult with people I don’t know well. So conversation with either people who speak a little English or through my mumbling attempts at speaking Spanish is downright awful. Some of my anxiety stems from a fear of ridicule and speaking a language badly falls into that category. The issue I face is that it’s too easy for me to stay in the flat. I work as a freelancer writer so I only need to leave to go to the shop.

This brings me onto my next issue. Doing things like going to the shop, things that normal people do without even thinking about it, are now back to being a big deal for me. I’ve basically accepted that I’ll have to wait until I go home at Christmas to get my haircut. I try and force myself into social situations because that’s the only way I’ll learn Spanish.

The thing is that I find it too easy to use my poor Spanish as an excuse not to speak. I’ve barely spoken any with people. I worry that I’ll spend too much time in the flat and my anxiety will creep back in. I’ll soon be back to as bad as I’ve ever been, especially since I’m not going to the gym either. In fact my exercise doesn’t go much further than walking to the very nearby shop.

It’s strange when you know that you’re about to fall into a pit but still don’t do anything to stop yourself. On the one hand, if I seize this opportunity to be outside my comfort zone but to gain from it like I did in Cambodia then I could come out a much healthier individual. The issue is doing just that. It’s like I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff: if I fall in one direction then I fall far. If I fall the other way then I am safe and can enjoy the wonderful view.

 

So what is Anxiety?

Don’t worry if you skipped all of that, I got carried away rambling about my past. It was only supposed to be a brief history. So what is anxiety? If you’ve never experienced it, it can be difficult to describe. Think about whenever you’ve done something that scared you. Maybe you’ve been on a roller coaster at a theme park or perhaps you’ve jumped out of a plane.

That feeling you get when you’re about to start and your stomach goes tight, your heart is beating faster than you thought was possible, your mind is racing through a million and one scenarios of how this could end horribly. Now imagine that you get that every time you speak to someone new or every time you have to go even slightly outside your very restricted comfort zone. Even worse, imagine that you feel that constantly.

The physical sides of anxiety can be bad but my biggest enemy is my own mind. You get caught in a spiral that just sends you further and further down. Imagine that you’re flying a plane and something starts going wrong. Nothing major but a little red light starts flashing. It’s easy to solve but your co-pilot starts freaking out. He presses buttons, he’s screaming at you, flailing around like a madman. Suddenly there are 5 or 6 new problems that are slightly bigger issues but it’s still possible to solve it. Unfortunately your co-pilot is still losing his shit. He’s made 8 lights flash now and he’s taken control of the plane and is trying to bring it down to land…on water. You have to solve this but how can you deal with your co-pilot and all these problems he’s created?

This can go on for a while and sometimes the plane crashes, sometimes the co-pilot jumps out the plane with his parachute and leaves you with all the problems, other times you manage to calm him down and bring the plane back into a smooth cruise with zero lights flashing. This can happen to me several times a day depending on what I’m doing. So I’ve tried various coping strategies which I’ll share with you now. I’ll also explain some of the ones I’ve still to try.

 

Tips and Tricks

1) Get rid of anyone in your life that actively tries to bring you down. This may sound petty and perhaps you wouldn’t want to but in all honesty, you notice a difference. When you can start to just be yourself and not worry about someone picking on your insecurities or trying to manipulate you or anything like that, your anxiety will be less prevalent. It also stands to reason that you should find people who are like you. I don’t mean people with anxiety (although it can help being with people who actually understand) but more people who share your interests. Life is easier when you can just be you.

 

2) Breathing exercises. If you get into a situation where you start to feel your anxiety beginning to bubble, there are tons of breathing techniques that people claim to work. Deep, slow breathing is NOT one of them! When you get near an anxiety attack, your body begins to take in more air. If you do it too quickly you start to hyperventilate. What you actually want to do is reduce your oxygen intake. One method is covering one nostril and breathing through your nose. This can work but it doesn’t control the breath-rate. My favourite and most effective is box breathing: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 and then repeat. I notice the benefits pretty quickly but if you focus on it for a while, it’s also meditative and works wonders.

 

3) Speaking of mediation, this is another one I would recommend. Meditating a couple of times a week can help your brain de-stress. I’m not suggesting you “align your chakras” or go on a pilgrimage. Meditating is simply concentrating on a specific thing to allow your mind to focus and become clear. If you want to use it for spiritual purposes, you can. I basically use it to see my own mind and thought processes in a different way. I would highly recommend the 26 minute long Sam Harris guided mediation on YouTube. I’ll add a link at the bottom. It is perfect for beginners or those looking for a simple and direct meditation technique. You can actually use meditation when you’re feeling anxious but I personally find it nearly impossible to do.

 

4) You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I’m not going to lie, it can be difficult but it is all about small steps. It’s like going to the gym to build strength. You start on a weight and then you move up. As you move up it gets more difficult and you will struggle but after some time that weight becomes easier and then you move up again. It’s the same thing. Move into a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Accept beforehand that it will but know that you will get used to it. You may never feel 100% comfortable doing it but you will start to feel comfortable enough that it doesn’t freak you out quite as much.

 

5) Find a way to let loose. You need to find a way to let off steam. For me, it’s taking drugs. For the record, I’m not addicted, I don’t take drugs to melt my brain, I don’t take them because I “need” them. I take them responsibly because they can be a lot of fun. I’m not promoting the idea to you but for me, if I smoke some weed then I feel great. I laugh at some stupid shit or I come up with some crazy theories about films and then I sleep like a baby. If I take MDMA I dance to some good music, I chat about crazy shit to people I barely know and I have a lot of fun. I don’t get the “loss of control” feeling that alcohol can give. On MDMA I feel like myself just happier.

 

6) Another outlet for those of you who don’t think a therapist is a direction you want to go in, is a journal. I know! You probably don’t want to be a grown adult who keeps a diary. I’m not saying that you write in it every day. You don’t have to open with “Dear diary, today Justin…” I have kept one on my laptop for 7 years now. Whenever I have stuff on my mind, I go on, I mark the date and then I just empty my brain. I always write it as if someone will be reading it once I die. I share all my thoughts, feelings, and predictions for the world, what I’ve been doing. I literally just let everything out. Chances are nobody will ever see it. I have left random clues for people to find to get access to it.

For example, when I had a cancer scare last year (when I say cancer scare, I mean there was a lot of blood somewhere there shouldn’t have been and so I was tested for cancer) I didn’t want to tell anyone about my journal. In fact the only person who knows about it is my girlfriend and I’m pretty sure she’s forgotten. Anyway, I left an encrypted message on a page in a notebook for my brother. It had a simple to solve key but would have taken time and effort. It told him my laptop password, the document to open, the password for that and who was allowed to see it. Just write absolutely everything down and put a password on it so you never have to worry about somebody seeing it.

It also means you can go back and see what your frame of mind was like at a certain point in time. For instance, I can look back to 2011 to see all my high school drama, 2013 is my university bullshit; I can see what I was thinking and what I was doing. It’s interesting to see because obviously the human memory isn’t hugely reliable so being able to look back and see exactly what was going through your head 7 years ago is kind of trippy.

 

7) Stay away from caffeine! Some of you with anxiety may be fine. For me, it was actually what triggered my anxiety attacks (something I discovered years later). The caffeine basically causes your body to react in the same way it would from a natural anxiety attack. Your brain then notices these changes and as your conscious mind becomes aware of them, it does in fact cause an anxiety attack. So in essence, because you detect what seems like an anxiety attack, you get anxious and actually have one.

 

8) Personally, I would also say stay away from alcohol as much as you can. I find that alcohol is a very easy crutch to use. It can become too easy to just “get blitzed” in order to feel less self-conscious and ultimately less anxious. I find, however, that my anxiety has started to creep up when I feel myself losing control: Those moments where my actions don’t feel like my own but rather someone else’s. I still have the odd drink here and there but when I do drink to get drunk, it’s a lot less than what I used to consume.

 

9) Exercise can make an incredible difference. It may sound clichéd but it really does. You don’t have to aim to be a body builder but even just going for a run a few times a week or taking part in a sport will work wonders for you mind.

 

The Future

 

So I’m hoping to take a trip fairly soon that could possibly show drastic results. I don’t mean a physical trip but rather a drug-induced one. Magic mushrooms (or more specifically: psilocybin) has shown incredible results in treating depression and anxiety. More and more evidence is coming to light that not only is it more effective that pharmaceuticals but it has a fraction of the side effects, if any. This is going to be the start of my journey (depending on how it goes of course).

I’ve tried (unsuccessfully) smoking DMT which I plan on doing again but I want my first stop to be mushrooms. For those of you who are perhaps anti-drug or still have the high school anti-drug campaign fear tactics running around in your mind somewhere, you should know that it isn’t about a high. I’m not taking the drugs for fun or to escape reality.

I want to take them for the experience they can potentially provide.  You see, psilocybin reorganises the connections in your brain. One trip can completely alter one’s personality as it causes them to create new connections that don’t necessarily have the flaws the old ones did. People with anxiety and depression in studies have gone months feeling cured. Imagine if drug companies brought out a drug that had a few side effects but you only had to take it once every few months? It would be revolutionary.

Obviously, I haven’t tried them yet so I’m not speaking from personal experience. Maybe it doesn’t work for me or give me the experience I need. Maybe this is how I discover psychedelics aren’t for me. At least I’ll know that for sure and will have tried, rather than living through my life with a treatment growing right in front of me in nature.

I’ve spent years researching certain psychedelics: their history, effects, potential benefits, potential risks, advice on taking them, etc. So don’t be fooled into thinking this is a decision I came to lightly. Depending on how my mushroom trip goes, my girlfriend and I want to travel to South America.

Not primarily for this purpose but definitely to do it. We want to visit an ayahuasca retreat. For those of you unfamiliar, ayahuasca is basically a drinkable version of DMT. I will post a link at the bottom to an incredible introduction to it. It’s a mind-blowing drug that is not remotely recreational. This drug is a spiritual drug and is not to be taken lightly.

 

Further Info

 

If you have any questions or anything, don’t hesitate to comment below or even send me a message. I’m happy to share any of my experiences with anyone so if you have anxiety or just want to know more about it, my door is always open. Feel free to send me a private message if you have something you’d like to discuss that you don’t feel comfortable sharing publically. I’m always happy to offer whatever advice or insight I can. Don’t feel that you have to suffer through mental health problems alone! There are always people you can turn to!

 

This is a link to the Sam Harris guided meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OboD7JrT0NE

 

This one is to a previously banned TED talk by Graham Hancock about consciousness but he also discusses his experiences with ayahuasca: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0c5nIvJH7w

 

I’m also including a link to a Joe Rogan podcast where he discusses ayahuasca. If you haven’t heard of Joe Rogan or only know him from UFC or Fear Factor, he is an incredible human being. His podcast is the only one I listen to and some of the guests and topics they discuss are incredibly insightful and educational: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_fuE9La6Xg

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3 comments

  1. Cindy · November 22, 2017

    Good to hear! I’m doing pretty good as well, thanks for asking 😀

    Like

  2. Cindy · November 22, 2017

    I just want to say I really like the way you write, it makes me want to read every word of your article. I hope you’re doing alright at the moment. ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

    • TheInfamousBoatFeet · November 22, 2017

      Thank you! That’s so kind of you to say. If even one person enjoyed reading this then it makes it all worthwhile! 😀 I am doing very well actually. I hope you are as well!

      Liked by 1 person

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